I’m sure a lot of us have wondered, “Am I bad in bed?” from time to time. It’s a tough question to ask, and the truth is your partner may not be 100 percent honest with their response, even if you work up the nerve to say anything to them. Sometimes, though, you can feel that something’s not quite right during s3x, and you may not be performing as well as you can. I hate the term “performing”, because it sounds fake, or like a competition— both of which it should not be— but sometimes we know when something’s just… off.
It’s not anything to be ashamed of. It can be really uncomfortable, and make you feel really vulnerable, if you feel like your partner isn’t satisfied, or you’re just not good in bed. But this shouldn’t make you feel bad, because how you are in bed can depend on so many different things (Maybe you’re stressed? Struggling with body image issues? Not s3xually comfortable with your partner?) and it can happen to the best of us. The best part is that you can (and will) improve.
During my first few hand jobs, I confused pre-ejaculate with the guy actually finishing and I just smiled all pleased with myself while he looked awkward and unsurprisingly, frustrated. (Whoops! It happens). Even though we tend to feel really insecure and defensive about how we perform during sex, remember that every single person has had a sub-par performance, or in my case a just completely embarrassing one. It’ll get better.
So how do you know if you have some room for improvement? Here are some easy signs that are also totally fixable.
1. Your Enjoyment Is Your Only Priority During
2. You’re Racing To The Finish
3. You’re Too Orgasm-Focused
4. You’re Not Asking For What You Want
5. Your Partner Shuts Down Afterward
6. There’s Palpable Awkwardness
7. You’re Not Talking About It